Showing posts with label My Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Diary. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Yes, It's Questionable

The fateful nation and her people diaspora and within: Tibet and Tibetans, the game of obeisance, the high hope of a Tibetan in the West to be
taken so, as per the smiling image and dedication of His Holiness the Dalai Lama for the far-reaching global issues ranging from ‘universal responsibility’ to ‘warm-heartedness’. The game is risky for a Tibetan in the West, especially for a newcomer with such high hope that isn’t so much an illusion as one’s hold or belief of His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s globally accepted popularity, among the top 10 globally loved people. But to be taken so is like wishing to be cuddled by everyone as per our firm hold of ‘mother sentient being’. And how is it once the primary motive is detected as ‘self-interest’, far worse than an accidental rebuff when one finds oneself in a quandary for being unable to speak the foreign language ‘guttural accent’ even after years? I have found the illusion is still mounting high as per those ones who have gone so far as carrying a smiling portrait of His Holiness the Dalai Lama visibly in a folder to be taken so just by seeing the image. And such act, thought out by one and readily imitated by many without the means of communication, is really foul for being bound with just self-interest—then what about wasting one’s hours in a day (thanks for Wechat and facebook) rather than spending an hour for learning the language.

Really, French wine must have been tasted and so her cheese, the two stuffs the longer fermented, the better. So I have so far despite still with the minimal knowledge. I am not hurt when I present my Microsoft PowerPoint presentation, which I have prepared over weeks, titled Un clin d’oeil au Tibet and have to face the handful of classmates’ rather sincere reactions this morning like seeing the way I have gleaned the web-based information as too readymade despite my own labor of arrangement, editing and adding extra texts. The learning point is from a black classmate named Christian from Uganda. Looking at him in modest dress, his blackness, the quadrangle head as of the flat temples and forehead, I had times of fancying that he looked like a black Hollywood actor whose name I don’t know (the one in Collateral with Tom Cruise as an accidentally and ill-fatedly bound hostage). Even though his French accent is so thickly blended with his native singsong accent, he speaks fluently. As per his fluency in spoken French he must have been in France for long but it’s hard to get the right information from his rather wavering self-introduction: like saying ‘married’ at one session and ‘single’ at the other. He is of medium frail build with strong body odor that I found once. I did also find one time he tried to rub the bare skin of his hand with mine as to test how I was to react. So I found he was so sensitive with the rawness or self-awareness that is stark different from mine; his is about racial equality and mine is of self-levied price of not finding a ground to stand on worsened by the communication defect but not sort of autism. His is as per my learning through reading VS Naipaul like that of a mimicry of what a black in US does, self-awareness and its manifestation as naïve as how a nouveau riche behaves. And this morning he first listens intently with a few questions. Once when it comes to the national flag Le Drapeau, he twists his eyes behind the narrow white glasses. He expressly says those things (snow lions, the burning jewel, the wishful jewel like yin yang) are ‘not essential’ as the long explanation, the text to be followed.

The worst thing happens when it comes to the national anthem L’hymne national. As he finds more words of Buddha and Dharma, he pushes up the bridge of his glasses twice.

“What, is Tibet, are all Tibetans Buddhists?” He says looking from side to side.

Our class teacher, Madam Franceline is seated next by him. She smiles and casts glances at me. It’s like saying she knows how Christian is. There was a time when he rather importunately held his ground like a wayward child. It was just about a kind of French cake. When Madam Franceline showed the picture of the cake we were talking about after googling it on her smart phone, he flatly disagreed and said it wasn’t the right stuff.

“No, almost 3% is Muslims, I think,” say I.

“Then what about only Buddha and Dharma,” says he and chuckles smugly.

I am at my wit’s end how to explain, not as to gloss over the fact with something to say. He is right. And I wonder about the case of Bhutan, the neighboring small country where maybe 20% or more are non-Buddhists. How is their national anthem written. And I search on internet and find the following translation in English:

The Thunder Dragon Kingdom

In the Thunder Dragon Kingdom, where cypresses grow
Refuge of the glorious monastic and civil traditions,
The King of Druk, precious sovereign,
His being is eternal, his reign prosperous
The enlightenment teachings thrive and flourish
May the people shine like the sun of peace and happiness!

‘The enlightenment teachings’ (Choe Sangye Tenpa, namely the religion, Buddha Dharma) are the overt words there too.

But the bespectacled Pakistani lady, one of the students, with bright complexion, who is bit chubby, comes to my rescue. She says it can be that it was written long time ago. And, yes, she is right, I presume. It could be written when every Tibetan was Buddhist. Is it so? Can the information on Wikipedia be relied on?

And the other case is about when learning about our hold of ‘mother sentient beings’ that every life, even of a tiny insect, is revered like killing an insect is a sinful act. They all laughed at the idea like it’s the funniest thing they have ever heard but Madam Franceline says it’s regarded so by a Tibetan. For the latter I can say they can laugh. But for the former I really can’t say that it can be left so.

The presentation is done like being able to shed a load. Now I am eager to see Christian’s presentation. I want to learn from his country.


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Jot It Down

“Literature takes a habit of mind that has disappeared. It requires silence, some form of isolation, and sustained concentration in the presence of an enigmatic thing.”
― Philip Roth

November 19, 2013
The soccer match on TV today is like a cricket match in India, a sort of social cushion marked by hysterical movements and shouts. The momentary trance or joy. But there is banging from my next door, the room of the old Muslim guy seemingly in his sixties. It’s 9.30pm now. There are those like three of them with the young guy, the nosiest one, who lives on the other wing of the oblong five storey building with the demarcating flights of steps in the middle just from the glass-door entrance. I always find the old guy in the same light checked shirt and dark trousers seemingly stuck over his medium height figure. I only had several angle views of his face puffy and pockmarked and his hair curly. As from the tucked up sleeves of his shirt up to the elbows I saw his sallow hands skinny, limp and with those embossed lines of veins. His thick fingers bear the proof of hard labors before being a recluse here. So I learn I am one of those hermits. So I did learn about the same at Hayange. He coughs a lot as he drinks and gets drunk sometimes. His French is terribly blurry like his Arabic in loud trembling voice. But his young mate’s voice is rather compressed shrill of the type that can be identified from an earshot distance. I saw him only once below on the front yard from the window of my room on fourth floor. He, too, is of medium built with dark coarse complexion. I saw him in a track jacket and dark jeans. His hair was cropped that accentuated his round small face and deep-set eyes. It is him who is shouting hysterically while banging on the table or any with the palms of his hands. It can be known from the raised voices of the commentator and the drones of the spectators that a goal has been bagged by their team. The drama is just like how it’s in India, how game is fanned with such physical displays.

I have been reading a book. I can’t get on. So I get up and start writing it instead as to carry on in my own way while they enjoy the match.

I can hear the guy in the other room just opposite me is behaving in the same way but rather mildly alone. He, the chubby guy with the heavy dangling paunch, is the first person here who came to me to introduce himself when I first came here on 9 August. He was bit tipsy then. As soon as I had just put down my baggage with the help of my friend he appeared near the door. After some French he learned my French and began to speak in English. His English is okay. I at once smelt he reeked mildly. He led me along the narrow corridor that has to be lighted even during the day time. He showed me the kitchen and bathroom like the official in charge (director) had shown me beforehand. The kitchen was small yet cleaner than what I have found before at other places. There is the other door that leads inside the proper dining room with the locker of six box sets (one box for each head to keep their personal kitchen wares). There is the table pressed against one corner of the wall. And those plates set on an old plastic rack. He showed me those plates first.

‘They are clean. See? You know you should always clean after dining. It’s the rule. Okay?’ He instructed like he was starved of getting someone docile enough as me to be instructed thus.

His bleary eyes roamed side to side. His front bald just above his back-sloping forehead made him appear with long abnormal bright face.

‘Oh, are these yours?’ I asked.

‘Yes, but they are clean. You see?’ He laid the stress on their cleanliness.

As he wished we sat down on the old blue painted plywood bottomed chairs. He seemed to be interested in new comers or after learning that I am a Tibetan. He seemed to be so tight that he acted like he couldn't bear his heavy head that fell this or that way like troubling his thick neck with bright limp skin. He blurted out some French now and thereafter spoke in English like getting to himself after repeated drifts. Yes, he knew about Tibet and its problems. But he wasn't the one who would say there aren't human rights in Tibet. Through his switching mode between French and English but more in the former I learned what he said again and again.

‘Tibet should be independent. Tibet should gain independence,’ said he while pouting his lower lip with a farting sound again and again.

As I sat and listened with a gathered interest as not to hurt his sentiment, he at last wept that I first found as his usual mannerism. But, no, he was weeping like a child. I was moved. Yes, he had introduced himself as from Algeria, an alien citizen here.

As I have found out at Hayange, those elderly and aged inmates of mine here are mostly retired ones, those with minimum mental pains as of social or family strains that have driven them here as recluses. So boozing, as I have found, is their first remedy after viewing such match with two or more others (if not mysteriously locking themselves inside). The chubby Algerian guy has a visiting woman and a boy, a slender woman with short hair and a small boy who I saw from back only, as his sister or wife. Whenever they come, there would be a moment fuss in his cluttered room (I can just guess so from his appearances), especially marked by the boy’s playful voice like asking him to do this and that. Then his languid compressed voice would be followed reciprocally playful now and tiresomely deterring thereafter when the woman would intervene to tame the boy. Our doors face each other with only a step gap between.

The older guy has his rather anomalous habit of getting awake like at 2am as driven by seemingly habitual hunger. Then the thuds followed by turning on micro oven to the single ring after a minute are what I can hear so clearly like he is doing it in my own room, so clearly for the thinness of the wall and stillness of the time. Then after filling followed by a belch, fart and going out to toilet he would go to bed again. His routine reminds me of the next door one at Hayange, a black guy in his fifties who was friendly the way he greeted me in French that could go farther than ‘bonjour’. His peculiarity was to stay up night long watching TV with someone, who came everyday at the fixed time past 8pm, by sleeping half day till 12 or 1pm. He was more troublesome by the way he talked on mobile phone sometimes at night in such loud voice like he could see the other side. He must be calling his wife or any family member back there in his native place. I found his voices always had the touch of closeness and benignity despite being loud—as the infatuation created by the distance.

And there at Hayange at the grand five storey building on its ground floor where I had a small room I found how those single aged ones of multi-racial origins lived on to the tune of an aged one’s manifestations between life-vigor and dread-grief—the despair for the fading former; the forced resignation, as may be happening sometimes, in the form of isolation and detachment.

Joseph was the closest one as for his liking to befriend with Tibetans. But I could be said the last one he came across from those more than 10 there and that at the end of my stay there. It happened as the closer ones of his had left somewhere else for jobs or with some higher hopes. He had a red old car (four seater) parked off the building on the roadside parking lot. It was one day he gave me a lift through a Tibetan, one of his close ones. As I happened to be standing on the landing on the ground floor, they were dismounting steps to go to the village town down. Even if the Tibetan guy confidently asked me to join them as I had got to go there as well, I was going to find later by studying Joseph’s gestures and the Tibetan guy’s making fun of him in his loud broken French. It meant he couldn't take me as his wasn't a free taxi. The Tibetan guy made fun of it by pretending to call by cupping his hands upwards the building as we were a few steps away from the sloping side part from the door with broken handle. He meant to call more for the ride. But Joseph was saying something back all the time but rather playfully. As I began to feel his unwillingness and lagged behind, he called me at last. And so there was the second time but accidentally called by another Tibetan with whom Joseph had closer friendship.

Joseph’s room was on the third floor. Through his close Tibetan friends I had learned he was bachelor that he took as his only regret. ‘Celibataire ca va pas,’ he would say. He was from Italy and he was proud to be Italian. He was said as coming to France when he was 9 with his parents and other siblings. As he was the oldest among the siblings (three sisters and a brother) he had had to work hard to help his parents. He said he was handsome with a playboy touch for having many girlfriends. But he hadn't been able to get on with one as a life partner till it was too late. It was his only regret. He said he had helped his parents and younger by working hard (menial jobs) as he was strong. He was 59 now, decrepit with swollen feet with sores. He would show the swollen feet to us. He would lament on them, curse them. His hair grizzled, well maintained, but not bald. He was always in a striped bright shirt and dark trousers. But with this regret of being single he still maintained this blunt vanity: he was obsessed with his hairstyle, the clothes he wore when going out, showy chivalry when meeting a young woman by greeting ‘Mademoiselle’ and complacent gestures thereafter.

Later when his closest one had left with only three of us for the time we became closer. I had had time to go to his room when I was at his closet, whose room was just next by on the opposite side over the corridor. But I hadn't had time to stay longer than the last one when I could see his clutters inside. He showed me his foot almost thrice. He asked me to find someone who would buy his old TV. I could sense the irony. He said the old TV placed on a stool next by the door was better than his new one before him on a wooden table. He said the old one had such good sound quality. There were those stacked (almost five) aiwa cassette tapes, black oblong with tuning switches before, on a low stool at one corner of the walls beside the new Samsung LCD TV. He said they were great stuffs now unavailable. There was a grass cutting hand-tool with long wooden handle leaned against the wall next by the door. It was new to me: the long curved blade like a big sickle and the horizontal wooden bar almost one foot long set into the handle at its mid-upper level. It was like a relic for him, a memento of his past hardships, to be cherished or less bright.

In the middle of our conversation covering global politics, as from the playing TV program (a news channel) with international news (the hype about Snowden in Russia and the controversy: if he is a whistle-blower or not), he happened to be struck with rather sudden irrelevant thought—like the impact of his being single was obsessing like a haunting nightmare. It carried on to his rating a girl to be loved. He was after color. I had to get much from his body languages. Even if I want to write his dialogues in direct speeches, I didn't get them with confidence. At one time he showed a white paper after a moment trouble of finding a visual example for me, he pointed at it by observing my gaze. Then he said he liked such skin. He pointed to it and gesticulated twice or thrice one after another by puckering his lips and the gathered fingers tips of his hand touching it lightly. Thereafter he released his puckered lips to opening his mouth in a slow motion and at the same time releasing his gathered fingers in the same motion down. And all the time his eyes were actively engaged like the prime sensor of the feelings besides casting observing glances at me.

A little later the Tibetan guy appeared in his room, who was his oldest friend as he had been here for more than a year. Yes, there were Tibetans, now left, who had been here for more than 2 years but they hadn't got on with. Now I had got chance to get out. I was feeling bit suffocated in his room, cluttered over being small. So like passing over the chain of his seamless talks over to the Tibetan guy I retired. I was leaving the place after a week, the lovely Hayange.



Wednesday, May 29, 2013

An Ode to May, 2013

Those unfamiliar stern faces in the gallery like reserved for those to vent their muted fates only among themselves—the colorful backgrounds of races, cultures, mindsets so minutely struggling up to keep the balance from going lopsided, the self-condolences in the form of wounded dignity for being here so in the alien land, but the core role being the same as we are. The plunging heads into a brood, the forced smiles from the simmering anxieties within as like in the process of final probation for making sour ends meet, the flustered side glances, the perturbed naked countenances… Looking at them and trying to find within them through the means of physical gestures was so stultifying but rhapsodizing at the same time despite my own being the same, the one who seeks a funny role to play here, at this building not long before the moment. Why I can't stop spotting the chill in the bone, goading at it rather voluntarily but with a detached sense sometimes? It’s to see myself in clear light, self-mirroring that I call. Yes, and here, the given chances of comparing myself with the others heterogeneous. But when ventured in a personal interaction the findings were like blurting out or rapping out coherently those crude thoughts of fated defeats as one’s staple means of being here or practical pasts so ready-made in a sort of axiomatic packages. But I wish I can meet better with firmer or more complex origins. I wish it’s going to be learning after all.

Yes, the system, the foisted means of survival makes us remain apart or blurt out so. ‘Have you ever heard about such and such country?’ ‘Yes, I have’, I admitted as I have. In return I tend to ask in the same way and thanks many have heard about Tibet too. The core atom in a thinking brain should be better fed and let be exploded at the right time to get more rather than remaining in the same narrow hold hemming in to be blind ever. If it’s to let go of the past and try to find only the much-hyped ‘happiness’ by doing so, then living is like an aberrant process charmless or like a limbo before a pitfall that can be blotted out soon afterwards. It’s to let cheat ever.

For now the most beautiful question for me is ‘Why you’re here?’ As to answer this squarely put forward question I can run back and fro along the deserted, pale, blurry lanes like a Bardowa on the run in the intermediate realm of soul. I have been anticipating in vain, but no one has asked me so yet.  A step towards maturity in a tiny form should be such a huge sacrifice, the only purpose of life I think.


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Waiting


The story gets stuck as the prosaic source to begin with is as blurry as the trace of a crude dream slipped out when the rough senses returned--a serious quest is needed to be out there. So I am lost like a fluffy mist at the moment. But groping and fumbling through the ominous patches that lead there, the root of my rights as an individual, I find almost the major verbal archives have passed uncharted through the upheavals of the times and struggles for basic means of survival. But the story as my birthmark or legacy that only I can construct so far sounds familiar in the Tibetan novel (བཀྲས་ཟུར་ཚང་གི་གསང་བའི་གཏམ་རྒྱུད།) that my friend Yeshi has read. I remember his being engrossed in it like reading all the nights long.

“This is a wonderful work that I couldn’t leave until to the end. A great novel,” he said with an air of pride and elation for having finished reading it but concealed by the languid looks in his eyes and the deliberate stretch of his thin lips to make way for a pensive smile.

But, unfortunately, I couldn’t take the book from him and follow suit right away that can be the gumption at least to prepare the basic outline now.

In search of the lost trace like on the footsteps of a ghostly past I think it costs extra device like a dream within dream to get back the minimum firsthand information. Even if it isn’t that long past, the upheavals were so devouring letting souls concentrate on the basic means of survival by being displaced and exiled or madden by the infernal mechanisms of revolutionary education or re-education on such large scale. The remaining traces other than the souls can be eviscerated overnight like what is going on in Lhasa city. But thanks for this device of grounded fiction and the power of human souls far beyond the infantile concepts of how such things as Re-education, indoctrination still persist on risibly after desperately or shrewdly surrendering to economic freedom so far.

I feel like it’s to wait on yet to be better prepared. 

Friday, April 26, 2013

A Tempting Note


It looks almost the same now
The lovely Hayange proper is hemmed in by the low ridges around. The only mega structures here are the old steel plant next by the railway tracks that run through one side of the town, the high flyover bridge connecting the chasm between the two higher ridges on one side as to lessen the traffic flow below, the proper town, by creating this project as the direct fast track for vehicles heading for other major towns like Luxembourg or German parts. The seemingly antique church in the middle of the town bears a façade of serenity as of its dark stone walls and the overlooking tower and the belfry: its deep reverberating tolls can be heard sometimes here off the town below and behind the ridge. Yes, the one that draws my cast towards it once or twice at times from below is the standing Jesus Christ sculpture, almost of 15 to 20 feet height, on the top of the ridge on one side, which must be higher than the opposite one with the flyover. Of a whitish marble or any it stands with the hands outstretched and the loose gown forming like wings. The SOS letters in red paint before the sculpture: does it mean the supplication for his blessings and protection of this sleepy calm town? Whatever, for me, it stands as a sign of peace and common goodness.

I remember those vast fields on either side of the tracks when coming to this part from Paris by TGV train and the accidental privilege of having a seat by the window. I found them rising and falling and the sights beyond like show-hide: the tracks cut through the higher parts and letting them hide our views.

Yes, here at where I stay in this five-stories block with the well-lighted single corridor in the middle on each floor, my temporary quarter, I have had this privilege of hearing the Hindi music coming from the next door one across the corridor. I have been hearing the same over and over again for weeks now and it has been familiarized somehow to me. He tirelessly plays it every day like a part of his daily chore or rite. Its mild blare to stronger as he opens the door has now become a part of my entertainment or a moment of brooding as much as it’s for him. But how he can know about it. We have just exchanged short greetings in French only. As of my own sort of being rather self-secluded it’s hard to get acquainted that soon.

The music has the typical quality of letting one go into a trance like longing for one’s love or lamenting for a missed one… The beautiful higher vocal notes are more seductive as the low ones are tempting to be imitated. The singer must be a great artist with such voice and singing skills. But the song sounds more, as I can’t get the lyrics, like a dirge tempting me into a doleful mood out of nothing. Yes, it has an affect or influence after all. Yes, he must be the one who is familiar with Hindi music: can be from Pakistan but not Indian. But he has it like the only staple means of survival, a cushion against a blow that I can’t figure out yet. And I have happened to share it rather anonymously. And this writing is for this piece of music that I can’t figure out but has prompted me to react in my own way.

A Complement

Now my time here at Hayange, the lovely village, is drawing near to the end that says what we are, to move on… And the advantage is to learn on as well. It’s a complement post as to straighten up something as the correction to what I wrote in the above post about what I saw only from the below, that standing sculpture like of Jesus. But I found it not as I had time to take a long walk around the villages and through the cool refreshing semi-rain forests with someone who knew about here well. At the end of the forest, the top of the ridge, the vast opening stretched before with the knee-high greenery that I was going to find a type of barley in their mature stage of bearing clusters of fresh green grain-buds. The aisle as the footpath led through the field to the whitish standing sculpture overlooking the whole of Hayange and the far surroundings. As we walked along the aisle to cross over to the other side, we found a car parked near or behind the standing sculpture. As we came closer, tramping on the soft grasses and brushing our feet against the longer grasses on either side of the narrow aisle like a single rut, we found there were four of them: two young native girls and two boys. They were by the car and leaning against its bonnet parts and idling their time here or on a sort of private time.

The standing sculpture with its thick round pedestal almost 12 feet high of concrete and stone-paneled stands at the edge of the slope over the field on the dugout and leveled ground spacious enough with the space to walk around and more before it. It is of Virgin Mary almost more than 25 feet off the ground. The hands aren’t wide-stretched as I found so from below but stretched downwards showing both palms like representing love and care as her gentle beautiful face gives the same impression. The snakes swirling around or below her feet that I don’t have any idea what it represents. There is dark-painted electric lamp with square head on pipe-stand on either frontal side as to light the sculpture at night. It’s interesting to study the crescent trestle tablet of white tile-paneled at the far edge before the sculpture: the colorful picture of Hayange and the names of those places around below the picture and their unique banners. The scenes below and surrounding are magnificent from this vantage point, the selected spot. The major road over the bridge leads to the tunnel ahead that can’t be seen from below.  A breathtaking scene after all.

Football can be said as the staple sport from those well maintained grounds and such one even in a small village. As we walked back by another road around, we found a match going on between two teams. We stood on the roadside by the green hedge to observe the match for 10 minutes. This time I had time to have a glimpse of those villages around or hemmed in by those wooded hills. But the price of not knowing the language, my second foreign language, is too costly sometimes letting reprimand myself for nothing as I am only 7 months old here and new yet. The steel plant with tarnished façade like skeletons along the reserved tracks that don’t seem to be in use now can be the most vivid souvenir later on.

As we walked back, I found those boys and girls had got in the car and were having their private time inside. 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Oddity


Is 'silence' the best answer? Then, under the aegis of the means known as 'telepathy', can such be felt, confirmed and responded in sequence? No way or yes so seldom. But, yes, the interplay of the minimal dedication--unyielding to this isolating trait--of the sort is practically needed for us rather than counting on such sublime means reserved for ones with introspective clairvoyance of the sort.  And for being so poorly gifted with this quality of ‘opening up’ for more convenience in reaching an end, a decision, rather than locking up for nothing I wonder how I can make such remarks. I find myself who can remain pondering on to the end of one’s life, when the way back is all grey and modest in retrospect. When, as it’s said, only the major events of one’s life, from the best to the worst, can return as the flashbacks that shape the mood of the leaving soul.  I had been absorbed so again in such muse that enabled or made me stand or remain in the same position or place for the moment when I could get back to myself or someone might wake me up accidentally. It was her who hurled this question at me across the glass-topped dining table. I had no idea how long I had been in such trance but felt sorry for leaving her so. I felt this growing self-consciousness, the acute spite for my abnormality but it had soothed me a lot, what she might have thought of me or how she had seen me.

She was in the same tight dark jeans and a pink woolen pullover. The palms of her hands clasped against each other with the one thumb on the other, the tops of the clasped fingers pressed between her thighs nearing knees and she was slightly moving like trying to pull them out. She was looking at me. Her feet in the felt slippers were slapping on the floor like waking me up. She was waiting for my answer. But, as she thought that I hadn't got it, she asked me again.

‘How old are you?’ Her eyes dancing with the sort of conversational jest behind the glasses, her lips parted like about to add something or make way to a friendly grin.

‘Oh, sorry, I am 34,’ I replied tersely and observed her expression.

‘But you look much younger like 24 or 25,’ she said with the same jest in her eyes.

‘What do you think how old I look like?’

‘Like 22 or 23,’ I speculated with a mind not to say higher.

‘You’re right. I am 22,’ she said with her fingers up making the sign of ‘victory’.

I got that I could say the right thing that she looked pleased. Yes, when dealing with a woman, I tended to care not to hurt her out of a gained knowledge that a woman is always so sensitive. Even for her being more open and yielding to what I took as the start of the sentimental torment or joy I found myself holding back with a sort of isolating trait. I just wished everything could be settled by ‘telepathy,’ the damning obstinacy for more complex convergence. I got that it couldn't from my past several encounters. But a faint dawn was almost on, a way to walk ahead to take someone by surprise not by this habitual muse but by another means, to listen attentively…

She was staring at me through the same jest in her eyes and with the same parted lips. Oh, she must be surprised of me, the way I behaved… I couldn't stop thinking so and found myself choked finding nothing to strike up a conversation but getting a sequence of fake telepathy occurring between us. How such could be possible? She seems to be communicating through it but how she could get what the nonsense I hold, I felt sorry for I couldn't stop going into such trance again that the circumstances entailed for me.  Her parted lips, jest in her eyes were there as the backdrop during the moment taken. The whole moment was something for me and something another for her, I sensed.
*

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Lord Guru's Legacy: Our Fate


August 14, 2012.

A seed of unshakeable faith and honed sense of gratitude sown in this strained heart after reading Guru’s Kadhu, the concise life-story related with his sublime past, present and future projected reincarnations for the wellbeing of Buddha Dharma and, here, as supplicated by Mutri Tsenpo, the son of Trisong Dhetsen, related with the fate of Tibet’s future and Tibetan Buddhism. Lord Mutri’s dire concern for the same that motivated him into convening such gathering for the heavy responsibility incumbent upon him after his late father, Lord Trisong Dhetsen, the great-grandson of Lord Songtsen Gampo (two of Tibet’s three religious kings). And his supplication for Guru Rinpoche, the spiritual mentor of Lord Trisong Dhetsen who invited Lord Guru to sow the seed of Buddha Dharma in Tibet, to teach or preach the same for the upcoming Tibet’s fresh generations.

After relating his great roles for safeguarding Buddha Dharma through many manifestations like Yopak Me (Buddha of eternal light), Chenresig (Buddha of compassion) and Pema Jungne himself (Lotus-born Buddha) are not of different dispositions but the same one, those ups and downs of his teachings, the concluding part relating down of his teachings in Tibet drew the young Lord Mutri into tears. But he prophesied the dawn of Buddha Dharma and his teachings by his reincarnation Sapen Kunga Gyaltsen and later Jowoje Atisha’s reincarnation Je Tsongkhapa Lobsang Dakpa.

When the young king supplicated for the fate of his dynasty, Lord Guru prophesied the dynasty was to disappear from Toe, the upper parts of U-Tsang, like a breathed vapor on a mirror and Tibet’s kings would be turn-wise later on. Then the coming of Chinese invasion and later dawning of slight sunlight of harmony and happiness in Tibet. In essence, the lord specified the fate of Tibetans who later would blame for ill-fated time by ignoring their own ill-deeds from which such unpleasant consequences stemmed. He added it isn’t change of time but of individuals. How poor and ill-fated we are for the Lord precisely prophesied how we Tibetans would be that ungrateful for all the sublime goodness he had done over times in history. Yet he guaranteed his continued blessings ever and even during the most ill-fated time of 10 years life-span of human being. He compassionately recommended to pray wholeheartedly for him for the same. So, how can one, especially a Tibetan, with human-heart ignore such calling words of the ever graceful Lord Pedmasambava, the lotus-born Buddha.

And it draws me into tears by realizing my own sense of oblivion or apathy.

I happen to enter my next door home, sit at the end of his bed, take the religious booklet (printed in Tibet by Xining Public Press, ISBN: 7-5420-0633-9) on the cluttered table and find the Kadhu at the end of the table of contents. I spot it that draws me to read it but rather skimming first. As I go through and deeper, I can’t put it down until to the end when I can feel how absorbed I have been with eyes full of tears.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Pilgrimage to Paro Taktsang

Part: II

June 1, 2011

After enjoying the towering view of the precipitous dark walls, the pounding and dashing freefall of the lovely fall of such pristine water, a miniature shrine perching up there in the corner like wedged into the forced space by the fall and so on, we climb up the winding steps of crude stone-slabs up to the main site. The landing, a Drupchu (blessed spring-water in the rock with the projecting cap like rock) by it, where one’s belongings except materials for making offerings have to be left behind and one’s body is searched of any like inflammable materials, cameras, etc. The body-search done by a uniformed cop with his bare hands and a few stationed cops in navy blue uniforms can be the precaution after the last incident of arson unidentified yet like done by who and that caused a heavy loss but the prime, the most sacred idols and holy artefacts were fortunately recovered. It’s said the only single monk then as the only curator was feared burnt to death or escaped; the speculation leads to the latter that sparks the guess that the curator as the one who absconded away and with something. Now there are more monks and the whole temples have been renovated with such spending for both the temple-buildings of stone-built walls with the fat wooden doorsills and the other parts covered with protective copper-jackets and the copper heads (Tok) on the top of the main temples, and the internal idols, murals done on a sort of detachable thin ply-materials fixed against the walls and other things like those brocade hangings.

Then to climb up the proper and wide but steep steps of stone-slabs to the main entrance that leads up again along the same steps to the internal landing that leads to the main Guru shrines on the far edges of the precipice. The breathtaking but chilling view down across the stretch of greenery of coniferous forests and the steep chasm down from the narrow small place protected by almost knee high wall. The prime Guru shrines at the far end built against the rocky walls: the ground floor accommodates the Guru’s core hermitage-den now barricaded, draped with multi-colored cloth-strips and sealed with a bronze plate with etched inscriptions. It is opened only on the certain holy day in the fifth month of Bhutanese calendar, once in a year. The dark anteroom to the sanctum is floored with polished wooden planks nailed down on the laid rafters below, the bronze covered door with inscriptions, the plain bronze covered doorsill, the murals telling the life story of Guru. It’s really surprising to find such enough spaces for the whole buildings on the spared ledges.

The grand holy bronze idol of Guru next to the hermitage-den, a pair of crooked ivory tusks set before the altar, the one facing the other (there are some such pairs decorated before the altars in the other temples as well), those brocade canopies and hangings down the well-sawed timber-ceiling painted with colourful motifs, the wooden windows painted with the same, those dark bronze bells hanging pendulously and so on speak how such expenses the royal government has bear as for the importance of the site, now a major tourist attraction.

Taking the narrow wooden staircase, we move up on to the second floor Guru shrine that houses the core idol of the site, Guru Sungjonma (Guru idol that once happened to talk to a certain blessed one). The pair of ivory tusks decorated on the counter before the altar; those brocade hangings, the old ones among the new exude an air of antiquity. The room is more spacious and so the altar here. It seems Guru Sungjonma is right above the sealed hermitage-den below. Karchung later whispers to me that when the whole site was on fire, it was found in the den below without incurring any damages; his voice with the struggled touch of proving it as a miracle.

My sister shows me the gold butter-lamp offering bowl set in a glass-panelled case with whitish metal frame before the altar; it is alight with the flickering flame. It’s almost 7 inches high with the inscriptions. As to pour a few drops of melted butter-oil in it from one’s container brought with from home, one has to wait after requesting the same to the concerned caretaker. Everyone wants to pour a tiny share in it. We can do so from the Chinese flask with us after the request made to the elderly monk and waiting.

We again move down the wooden staircase and take the other way around to see and worship the boulder below. It is said as enshrined with Tsebum (Life Bowl), the amulet for protection against evils, and blessed by Guru Rinpoche. There is an engraved eye painted, which is taken as naturally appeared on it. When Choedon later asks Karchung about the engraved eye on it, he says, “It’s Yeshi Chen (sublime consciousness eye).”

“What does it mean?” She asks again.

“Rangyi Mig (your eye)”, he says ignorantly, but the source of later joke when shared by my sister on our way back.

The contiguous shrines are more spacious with the same decorations on the counters before the carved wooden altars, the same brocade hangings. There is a wooden throne in each shrine, may be the seat of Jhe Khenpo, the supreme religious head of Bhutan. The murals done on the detachable ply-materials as for the walls being not plastered and rough. I pay more homage to the texts, the ancient ones, a set of bound ones with white cloth-covers labelled as Gyu (must be Buddha’s own teachings on Tantrayana, the final revised ones as well) and to idols. There is a giant bronze idol of Guru and such one of Buddha of Eternal Life: both holding a Bumpa (Tsebum) in their left hands rested on their laps. They are flanked by three-faced deities of the same sizes with the seemingly obscene postures but only for the attained and eligible ones to be followed so.

There is an old some 12 inches high idol of the deity with the greenish paint. Our friendly and talkative mate, the young Bhutanese, Sharchokpa, in a maroon sleeved jacket and monk-like garment (but he is with his wife, not a monk now), who knows little Tibetan as for his studying at a monastery in Kalimpong and Karmapa Rinpoche there being his Guru, introduces the old idol of the deity knowingly to us that before the reconstruction as for the fire it was the prime one here in the deity chapel. The next by chapel with the inscribed bronze covered pillars and the same altar and the decorations... Our Bhutanese mate knows a secret place here. There is no one here who looks after and introduces us so, as there seems to be the shortage of manpower at such time like today or more are huddling around those a few foreigners as we are the local ones. (Some minutes earlier when I was standing outside leaning my hands on the banisters, I found a Bhutanese guy calling me from the below as to attend there thinking that I was a caretaker here for being in this maroon robe. When I told him that I wasn’t one, he asked me to call one. I asked the young monk, who accepted and went down. An elderly cop knew the case, approached me and asked, “Tourists?”

I answered in a broken Dzongkha, “No, a Bhutanese guy”.

“The door to the ground floor shrine, the prime one with the sealed hermitage-den, must be closed”, he said. I was on the left side.)

Yes, the secret place he knowingly shows us is the doorway with the hinged wooden door set in the polished wooden planked floor. The dark door way down the rock, like an abyss. Someone has a flashlight, not working first. Choedon makes it work. I see a deep hole down with jagged rocks, the hole seemingly tapering down. There are those money notes offered by devotees, just lying there. The Bhutanese mate makes a joke of taking them as there is none present.

As said as the real Tiger Den, the site named after, at the hidden angle of the dark wet rock, སྟག་ཚང་།  written on the rock above the entrance hole in Tibetan or Dzongkha characters. The narrow opening can be entered by crouching low, which leads down the crude wooden steps done on a single trunk of a cut tree and the wider opening to the edge of precipice on the other side. We don’t venture to go that far to the creepy edge.

Then to step down bare footed to the last shrine here with the stupa: Kudung Chorten (the one enshrined with the sanctified body of one of the core late disciples of Guru here) and a hole down the rocky floor next by: the wooden banisters around the opening and many notes down there that hide the inscribed dark rocky bed, a deity den. Walking clockwise around the giant stupa, I find the dark bare rocky walls at the back chilling and wet with the drippings, a small pool at the foot on floor level: again Drupchu to be drawn with the scoop, a tin container nailed to a wooden shaft. There are such ones at some points here. (There is one between Thimpu and Paro, a pipe stuck into the hill base by the main road. Karchung stopped for the same, cool and refreshing Drupchu of Drupthob Thangong Gyalpo, the sage, the founder of Tibetan spiritual operas. A temple, now a museum, of the Drupthob can be seen from the road across the river over the other side just ahead off Chuzom to Paro.)

Choedon looks so fittingly good in the checked Bhutanese half-Kira put on with the help of my sister Tsomo at the entrance as prompted by the presence of those a few security personnel, who inspect sign of such respect obeyed by a local one or not.

It’s to take the same way back up to the point on the adjacent semi rocky hill, but not till the beginning point from where to ascend down. A turn to take next by the wooden shack and along the winding foot path meandering up the hill with some trees, shrubs and a gurgling brook. After some walk we come to a solitary shrine, to be reached by the steps off the path, built against the rock housing the hermitage-den of a sage or shaman. Only an elderly monk in a grubby pink coat looks after it; he has got more to say. We’re the only visitors at the time. The proper wooden shrine houses the standing idol of the sage in the carved wooden altar, a pair of ivory tusks here too. We do the prostrations and offering in notes. The potion poured in our right palms from bronze vase like done at every shrine at Taktsang. The hermitage den at the back can be reached by the wooden steps. A den in the rocky wall. As on the notice the monk says that any wishes can be fulfilled made before the den. So I introduce the same to Choedon, who I find a moment later standing before the den and praying. I stand behind her and try to configure a better thought to pray for. A foot impression left on the rock next to the den; the monk says it’s of the sage and the other one is on the other distant spot in the other place—a sign of sublime mysticism. After having Drupchu at the right corner of the shrine and Karchung filling a plastic bottle, we hit the road.

And up again along the winding path across the sloping face of the hill. At last we can make to the top, the temple on the edge of the rocky quay. But it isn’t that dangerously perching as seen from the below; it isn’t higher than the adjacent rocky hill nestling Taktsang on its waistline-ledge and a temple on the top as seen from below. There is more space here, but the temple was seemingly erected out at the edge for a reason to be visible from below or any. Entering the entrance gate with the heavy wooden door and fat doorsill painted tawny-red, we step on to the narrow compound paved with soft-stone-slabs that leads around and up to the temple by a wooden staircase. The altar, a pair of crooked ivory tusks adorn here as well. My sister asks the elderly caretaker monk for the favour to do dice-divination and he does: a pair of dices should be tossed by my sister, the devoted seeker, on to the holder like a disc; the monk inspects and says the message is so favourable.

The creepy path around the temple for clockwise circumambulation, especially at the far edge behind the temple. Taktsang below can be viewed magnificently and mystically perching on the ledge with its maroon painted sloping corrugated iron roofs glaring.

After the visit we have our packed lunch by the stupa a few steps from the temple. A drizzle for a moment doesn’t trouble us at all. I find it really refreshing after a long walk and invigorating for the further walk up to the next top through the pine forest dotted with fragrant cedars. I walk ahead all the way along to the top. The flat-top here is more spacious, more space for walking around the temple, the three storeys one known as Zangdok Palri (copper-colored hill of glory) each floor housing different prime idol, the top housing the giant bronze idol of Lord Buddha. Those mud sculpted ferocious deities around the temple like protecting it; the front part is almost ground level only for the short stone-slab-steps. We wait for the caretaker monk, as he later shows up after Karchung walking some far for him, as there isn’t anyone else and the door padlocked. A wooden shack on the raised spot just off the temple; it must be the caretaker’s home with those stacked fire-woods by it. There isn’t anyone here as well.

There are three Bhutanese women as our companies, who arrive at the site just after us. An aged one and the two young in Kira; as we talk, they are from Punakha. As from their complexions and hands they are from a village, farmers. When we talk to leave after deciding to put the offering materials in a handbag and hang on the door from the bolt, Karchung can find the caretaker, a young monk in a brown T-shirt who doesn’t talk more than a few words during the entire visit inside. The dust coated wooden planks of the ground floor, those wrathful deity-idols standing side by side and armed with weapons on either side of the entrance. Each floor spares walking space around the prime idol set in the mid on the throne for its being a shrine in the form of mentally erected Mandala.

I am the first to get near the ground floor entrance after the visit. A knock on the door, even if it isn’t locked from inside, and I find when opening the creaking door our frank Bhutanese mate with his demure wife are by the door. I introduce them how to take the way up by doing the round from here, the ground floor.

And to take cruder and steeper paths down the slopes with those sprouting bamboo saplings as the only means for a grip as to save from rolling down freely. We’re to reach the other side of Taktsang by climbing down from the other side after making to the tops of both the adjacent semi-rocky hill and and the rocky one nestling Taktsang. It’s to suffer painfully from astringency till reaching the base camp after visiting the deserted ante-shrine and crossing over to the next vegetated hill to follow the winding path down.

From the point on the slope it’s to take the path across the rocky face to the ante-shrine. The path is well-made with rails at the dangerous points, the concrete slabs joining the other sides where there are gaps. The stone steps with raised almost shoulder-high walls on the one side leads up to the shrine with a tiny front yard. The youngest Bhutanese woman of the three as our companies has been talking sort of indulgently on her cell phone like to her lover. We have to wait here for almost half an hour but in complete vain. Both the simple shrine and the caretaker’s shack are locked. The old Bhutanese woman of the three expresses her frustration that I can’t get so clearly. Our Bhutanese mate, the monk like guy who speaks little Tibetan, and his wife are here as well. And so I am going to meet them later at Paro. One among us says the wooden bridge made out of a single trunk of a tree connecting the Taktsang proper with this ante-shrine was taken away after a monk had cost his life while crossing it to go to the ante-shrine.

Back again to the point to make the final knee-paining descent with the help of the crude but helpful walking-stick made by Karchung. Choedon is robust and makes her way ahead to the base camp with Karchung without taking any rest after the first. I follow my sister and can make there trying to be at her heels. Our Bhutanese mate and his wife are out of sight, but the three Bhutanese women are at one time ahead of us and the other time behind us. Later we can give them a lift up to Kyichu temple after resting at the camp for some minutes.

A satisfying sense of a real pilgrimage has been made with the taken hardships is with me while passing aback along the same road to the staying place by the river or across the river from TTC, my childhood school when learning was shunned through every means. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A Personal Dilemma


A blow, a contingency yet untoward, sometimes lands with such pressure as the-triple-punch that pummels the scraggy breath like at a point blank distance. The foray, the havoc ravages the pre-restive entity to such frayed pathetic—I have now lost my parent like distant paternal uncle—if to be named here for a reason Geshe Tenzin Dookda La—who breathed his last on 13 March in the early chilly morning hours in Elista, the capital of The Republic of Kalmykia under Russian Federation. Yet, I have this pride for his worth-being there as the ‘mentor’ and Buddhist master since his leaving for there in 1995, when I was at the time being able to deal with my life so far. Yes, for his predestined needy presence there that did turn out to be far helpful and fruitful as per his conscience regarded the matter as of top priority for being there and helping in his best ways. So I feel this pride and I have been feeling so since learning about the same. So it can be proved by how the bright and loving Kalmykian people have taken his demise, post physical death musing till the clear light ༼ཐུགས་དམ་ལ་བཞུགས་པ།༽ and the ceremonial cremation plus mass prayers with such gravity as can be got at http://www.khurul.ru/?p=10049. So, for the same, I would like to extend my sincere gratitude and heartfelt thankfulness.

Yeah, the blow, on personal level, has come that I happened to write in my note as follows:

13 March
Almost past noon I had a call from Dhati Lobsang, a senior member of our Khangtsen, telling me about Gen Dookda La passing away in the early morning of the day. For his being like my parental guardian after my joining the monastic university back in 1985 it is a loss that leaves me far alone as to test why I was born for… As from his undergoing heart surgery years back and having strokes, the last one only a couple of months ago, as for his hard works there in Kalmyk, sort of unbridled burst of temper and the same laxity in dietary precaution for his case, the news isn’t a sort of unexpected one despite the recovery after the third fatal stroke that spared a lull only. But I find myself at my wit’s end. I can mouth prayers with a sense that draws me to tears, if I let it carry me away. I am going to do my best.
 *
Yeah, the blow is doubled with the current cases of how our beloved compatriots in Tibet suffer in the ‘undeclared martial law’ draconian but veiled and aloof (The whole world pretend not learning as such by casting the whole attention to Syria instead. Why? Because the ruthless tormentor is Red China, the emerging bully as many thoughtlessly succumb to her robot-minded regime’s precarious yet sound guise of promising shares in pillage-business earned by only military threats, brutal actions and deceptions. The farsighted and prudent global project known as Sustainable Development seems to be just sweet lip exercise when it falls on quick cheap gains by every heartless means in an annexed or neocolonized territory.) like a sniper takes his targets anonymously yet authoritatively. The lives cost by those self-immolators, the hanging trepidation that a fresh one—there was one only yesterday by a young monk in Ngaba and one even today in Rebkong—may come up and how many more would be tortured and incarcerated pain this desperate heart even more.

The third blow, restive it has been ever, now seems to be nothing in the face of them. But penitent I have been ever for being that foolish not being able to pursue my dream. A prospective life is like a distant dream. Yet, I won’t bow ever as not to let it remain in dream only. Then to fight them with a honed talent far well-greased and functioning: I happened to update my facebook status as:

'Nothing lasts forever' that speaks a true heart seeks amid the flurries of timeless alternate flights of convergence and divergence--what the living moment shapes what to ensue whether pleasurable or not. A folly, a simple idea, a futile attitude have the same latent potential to be capable of developing into a grand entity. That proves 'even to live is an adventure'. A forlorn one's claustrophobic cry can be heard one day; the same has the potential to strike the enlightening chord as to release the last shuddering and reverberating current that orientates it towards self-mirroring: seeing how foul one's impatience costs and thereby to develop the true sense of empathy, the true beacon to be summoned now and ever as to win in true sense. So, nothing lasts forever! Have a great life!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Gorkarn, Kudle and Om Beaches: Finding Time on the second day of Losar


February 23

How true it’s a nearby place of any significance is always neglected by like saying can be visited anytime later and kept deferring absent-mindedly… But to exert a practical notion into action, as I find this time, needs the same willing support and accompaniment to be able to pack up the tooth paste and hit for the excursion. Thanks for the Indian government rural transportation services cheap, learning and reliable and here Karnataka state government. Thanks also for Phuntsok Lambu’s opening up the idea almost a couple of weeks aback.
Our express bus parked by a stopover en route for Ankola

Three of us, with K. Namgyal nicknamed Jabra by Phuntsok, carry out as preplanned to catch the morning bus from Camp # 6 to Hubli at 6.45am. We can do it despite Jabra arriving at the rendezvous bit later, by Kalasang Lhakhang (the village shrine in the narrow compound) which stands over the road like monopolizing the part of virgin field estate or occupying the raised spot like being the head of the village standing precisely off by the T-shaped intersection, like watching over the sleepy hermit with the overlapping mud-tiles roofs. I don’t have the least idea now when seeing him arriving at the spot with an expression of concealed guilt that he’s going to let Phuntsok burst into his incorrigible lasting laughter at the beach, when Phuntsok can’t hold the camera and take the shots of his postures, especially the way he flexes his undeveloped muscles over his short but broad nice structure with an air of innocence or pride and with those mimicking postures of a builder at his show time. So both of us find it really funny. But I can take the shots by taking the camera from Phuntsok, who by then is almost impossible to raise up his plunging head down the sandy ground and laughs with a low deep like chuckling sound. Now he looks serene with a black bigger backpack.
Gorkarn beach

We have to alight at Kalgatti bus stand and have a time to have a brief breakfast at the narrow oblong restaurant in the compound before catching a better bus to Ankola. The bus stand here, not like ours at Mundgod, has seemingly recently got a facelift both the façade of the core building and within the compound. And from here, as having a front seat by the wide windshield, along the major smooth wide road and to enjoy the thick rain forests but now rather pale on either side of the road. A small idling group of small stunted monkeys can be seen by the road one after another. Being an express bus, it doesn’t stop like a local one at every minor stand or hand-waving sign. It guns forward confidently with the young sturdy driver. But he spares his considerate thought at a point by letting in a group of school students mostly girls in pale pinkish skirts and white half-sleeved shirts and dropping at Yellapur, a village town. A taller girl sits by me. I can have a swift angle view of her dark lanky hands with smooth furs resting on her lap. Bit later an opened book in English on her lap; at second try I find it an English grammar book: ‘Direct and Indirect Speech’ I can make out at one shot scanning over the pages. But I find her not actively going over them but keeping it open as to gratify her wish or to flaunt what she is.

It’s 3 hrs drive between Kalgatti and Ankola in the express bus, distance at almost 250 kms, bus fare Rs.80.00 per head. Fortunately, we can immediately catch a local bus to Gorkarn after alighting from the express bus. Just off the station along the road the rancid fish-like odor and thickets of coconut groves with lush green fronds are the herald to the nearing coastal point. Nearing Gorkarn, the drive along the dark wide smoothly flowing creek off below the low ridges. The musty smell is stronger. The created creek must be for the approaching salt-fields maintained with those mud-barricaded pools so wide and spacious; those piles of whitish stuff must be crude salt.
Om beach

But, unfortunately, at the certain turn, when our bus is blaring languidly to take the turn by taking the circuitous left side, an auto-rickshaw darts suddenly forward by taking the wrong (right) side and hit the bus. Really just like an egg hitting a boulder. I hear it hits ours but ours, both heavy and moving slowly, not making a slight abnormal movement. But it halts right away. Then those curious passengers like displaying a commoner’s instinct get up and rush out to be the added onlookers around the ill-fated light three-wheeled vehicle turned upside down and its frontal part smashed wedged under the part of the bus bonnet that doesn’t seem to incur any damage conspicuously there. Phuntsok is actively engaged with the crowd outside but has less to tell us. He points us to the injured driver back to us being led by someone else; he is in a dark purple full-sleeved shirt and dark cotton trousers and walking achingly; he is of normal height and must be bearing a paunch from his being well-built.

The small cute Indian girl with dark lovely eyes at my back cranes her dainty head curiously ahead to learn about the mishap, but she can’t leave the place by following her young mom who is standing by the door and looking ahead through windshield. I ask her name in Hindi but she just stares on and remains silent. I don’t press on. Thanks, we’re, only a handful inside when I look around, moved on to the other stopped bus behind ours. It’s only 20 minutes drive in a local bus, fare at Rs.18.00 per head.

After having a brief refreshment at the rather shabby restaurant within the terminal compound we, as Phuntsok knows the place well so far from his earlier visit a couple of years aback, walk to the nearby Om Hotel with the attached Om Restaurant and Bar on the first floor with the open waist-high walls, those rolled up green painted stalk-veils. We settle on a three bedded one on the second floor for Rs.600.00 per day on 24 hrs check out basis. Or it can be for the time now with those a few foreign guests and Hindu festival for worshipping Shiva. We’re going to learn later Gorkarn, with those major Hindu temples, is a sort of Mecca.The room and the bathroom are okay for not that clean white bed sheets and pillow covers. The single corridor and narrow verandah with marble floorings and tiled walls seem to be the sign of luxuries vindicating what is written on the painted metal sign-board standing on two vertical stands just by the hotel and at the turn off the hotel.

Kudle beach
We leave for the beach around 3.30pm. The sun is still high. Coming on to the main broad way, the main street, after the narrow packed littered road it’s to face the main things of the worshipping festivities ahead rather than giving eyes to those gaudy cheap wares on either side. The two stationed wooden chariots with the round holy fretworks grimy with a dark sticky lacquer may be of offering oils are far ahead like in the middle of the broad road and by the entrance way, from where winding along by a number of temples till coming on to the causeway over the gulley with dark rancid water stagnant and sandy floor of the beach. For the festival the above openings of the winding ways are covered with colorful awnings that make the walking pleasing and cool. Of the two fully decorated chariots the one is smaller. Both are adorned with plywood framed holy images of Hindu gods up around the dark oil soaked fretworks and above them the inflated red-white wide patterned striped cloth-domes so high and the spires topped with pieces of triangle red cloth (ceremonial flags) coming up from the top miniscule cloth-domes. Approaching close, I find the structures seemingly so heavy from the hard wooden fretworks rested on the strong closely set rafters and the large wheels. Those Indian devotees touching their hands on the oil darkened greasy fretworks and doing their worship. I spot three or more Western Hindu devotees standing at a turn in their ceremonial saffron garbs, may be monks. But I can’t look at their hair and find time to study if their foreheads bear the ritual pastel signs.

We enjoy our time till the late evening. Those makeshift shanty stores and eateries just adding to further litters, or can be for the festivities now. The large tent-hall with the raised dais for presenting classical dances or plays relating to Hindu holy myths. There are many foreigners engrossed in their beach rites and those with children as well. Yeah, this time I have a concrete impression of why people like holidaying at beach. Apart from other merits whatsoever it can be that the vastness of the ocean view has its mesmerizing effect on driving away all those flurries of discriminating thoughts and letting rest on its grandeur alone at ease—so we find relaxed, calm and concentrated on it alone. Or, in other words, it just stupefies the way one yields to off it. It is, however, relaxing and pleasant.

February 24

With the tired but trained limbs for yesterday’s long swimming, playing and jogging at the beach we begin to walk to Kudle beach beyond the rocky ridge. After taking the flight of steps up to the top it’s to walk on the parched rocky but with dried grass, those fragments of charred stones with tiny holes tell what the ridges are formed of like lava-hills. From the point, where there is a building with bright hoardings of yoga-posture and massage alongside the crude road running by it, it’s to walk down to the beach. Those parked vehicles in the crude lot next to the building. Some young Indian tourists, more girls in jeans, are coming up from the beach; their Indian English accents and merry faces.

We have a brief refreshment at the deserted café raised up from ground level. Those printed police-notices are rife and seems to be threatening like a junkie can’t bear being here or there after spotting them. Yes, I have heard about the isolated beaches here as hubs for junkies. This crescent narrow beach is rather suffocating after the long Gorkarn, but it’s cleaner for being more remote. The gentle tide of low waves breaking along the crescent line; I find here rather at ill-ease for finding it like a narrow creek. The view of low ridges and the planted forest. I don’t have a mind to dip, wait for them on the beach and read on Anna Karenina on my Kindle instead. There are foreigners here, those lounging in the thatched cafes, basking and reading…

Then around 1.00pm or being here for not more than hour, as Phuntsok and Jabra hold the same notion as walking to a secluded beach and not having a bath is a pity, we again set off for Om beach, the last one beyond the same looking rocky ridge along the same parched terrain. But the somber view of the overrunning dark water below, as can be come to a glimpse now and then while walking along the slopes, is both exciting and petrifying. Here at the vantage the construction of a sort of pavilions and small garden with concrete pavements on the slopes are in progress. We lounge for a while in the round-roofed pavilion with varnished wooden-paneled ceiling and round columns, on the red painted concrete seats. An Indian boy holding a steel plate in his hand is walking to the temporary shack of corrugated irons next by the almost finished small compact house with ridge-roof of corrugated irons. I raise my right hand to greet him; he does the same aback and gesticulates with his hands asking me to come for something to eat. I thank him for his good Indian way despite his being a labor here at the site.

The reason for naming it Om can be made out from its partial formation of the Hindu mantra Om letter: dual curves and the mid rocky patches spare so. Casting afar at the similar blurring lines along the bases of green-layered ridges, I wonder how many more beaches can be there.

The café next by the step on the sandy floor of the beach is the only well-equipped one here. We have a good lunch here before going out to explore the curves. I spot three Asians, a guy and two ladies, dining on a raised part. The guy has that countenance towards me when one is in such companions, but I can retreat by not looking at them as not to trouble him further. A so chubby white guy in his late fifties or sixties walks in the café naked for his dark underpants revealing his bulging red patches; he looks like a giant here. It bears a holidaying vibe of gaiety so far.

Jabra in his outfit like a Vietnamese, as he has such bearing in that loose T-shirt, knee-level ripped old jeans and the white round-brimmed cloth hat like worn by a cricket umpire, especially for his short broad physical features. He is again anxious here to go out sooner. But Phuntsok looks more relaxed in his synthetic NBA shorts and red T-shirt that accentuate his lanky furry legs and towering height. For Jabra’s appearing like stubble by Phuntsok he is ready to ask Phuntsok to be at the lower level when posing for a shot with him.

We have a nice time till the late afternoon. Yeah, the water is cleaner here. We bath and lounge and meet Thomas, a Science teacher of Science Meets Dharma from Swiss, basking on the hot sand. He, seemingly in his late thirties or early forties, seems adaptable and congenial from his long association with us teaching Science at the monastic schools at Mundgod. He says his term of teaching assignment at Mundgod is over and he is going back to obtain further visa to return back to Gyumed tantric university at Hungsur, a Tibetan settlement in South, to carry on his teaching Science. He expresses his wish to get enrolled at Snow Land School, recently inaugurated by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and learn Tibetan Buddhism besides his teaching, as the school is solely aimed for Westerners willing to explore or learn about Tibetan Buddhism. Even if he offers us free ride in his hired taxi up to Goa airport, as Jabra has a relation there and has a sort of capricious mind, leaving tonight at 10.00pm, we have to thank him after some discussion that we can’t take it for fearing to trouble his relation at such hour late past midnight like around 3.00am, when we will be there. So we bid him farewell before departing from the beach.

As to venture on a petty luxury or fun-cruise we decide to pay Rs.450.00 for a boat ride back to Gorkarn; thanks Phuntsok pays for it. Those dark frowning precipices of the rocky walls can be studied well in this bouncing bobbing simple boat with the sputtering machine propeller at the stern, the single steering handle with accelerator like of a bike. It’s almost only 15 minutes ride passing by the two protruding edges of the rocky ridges into the water, which form the furrows of the two crescent beaches. For me, Gorkarn beach is long and freeing, letting gain the real air of what a beach should present for having the relaxing quality. So I have a bath here again, the last one as we’re leaving the next day.

Before returning back to our hotel we, as Phuntsok’s wish, have a long walk along the hardened sandy bed till the point, from where we find a crude shortcut path to our hotel. Only a nimble gait can carry on to the full length of this long beach, but our limbs are tired. It’s pleasing to walk bare footed along the path coated with smooth red dusts winding by the households of overlapping mud tiles roofs and with such rich vegetable plots. Those foreigners staying at such nooks and crannies; a group of them are active in the spacious yard putting up a tent or preparing around the seemingly smooth-polished dust patch capacious enough for some Yoga practitioners. Yes, I find one practicing himself alone in the open pavilion at the beach. Hinduism Yoga is as famous as Tibetan Buddhism these days, my impression.

February 25

We pack up our compact belongings and get ready to check out to catch the bus to Ankola, the end of an excursion with the aim of learning some about our neighboring parts.