How one can subdue others' disturbing mental states without having subdued one's own?

Self-love is nothing other than self-esteem in the real sense of the word, for someone who can't love himself or herself can never be in the position of loving others. If self-love is about caring oneself more or less in a physical way, self-esteem is in a psychological way so far to the point of being able to let oneself go into meta-awareness now and then on one's mental state, especially when the adrenaline of a destructive emotion like anger is running in one's nerves. However, mere-self-love is the source of every ill that we can see in this mere-self-interest-starved world, where caring for others is like a stranger. Though what is called 'beauty' does lie solely in in this empathetic tendency, this poor world is just after physical glamor or skin-deep or image-perfect one, so matter-of-fact in this search but pretentiously showy in doing for others. Charles Darwin names the latter as doing something good for 'the fear of what others will say', not in the name of morality or religion or being civilized or cultured.  

As in Tibetan Buddhism, the word 'ཉིད་' has both excluding 'གཞན་ལྡན་རྣམ་གཅོད་' and including 'མི་ལྡན་རྣམ་གཅོད་' connotation. Mere-self-love 'རང་ཉིད་གཅེས་འཛིན་' has the excluding sense of omitting others but oneself, the ugliest of the ugliest. 

In this modern world predominantly defined by Western culture and lifestyle and ideology like democracy, equality, freedom of speech-thought-faith, fraternity, the highest form of being civilized is gauged by how women and children are treated. Though nothing is perfect, anything can be ameliorated. Likewise, something very important has to be added to the hallmark of its form of being civilized. That's nothing other than treating a sick one that's taken care of so far. That's about having a doing, secure governmental mechanism of looking after the aged people as well as having a de facto social aura of respecting them by the younger ones who are to go through the same stage sooner or later. Such a sublime sense of treatment and respect is one of the highest forms of being humane and civilized, I think.