Friday, March 30, 2012

Self-Mirroring





Through picking up on its way those random signs of hopes and smiles that now like mosaic sand figures falling apart and apiece this illusion-inflated entity is now no more than a nail-biting nut, an invalid, a nihilist yet not developed a complete renunciation to find the other way illumine. Though being deranged numb, yet sprightly willing for a deeper gash enlightening forever.

Though lost this far, bewailing over poor and praying for those blind sinners it’s daily prayers, a feeling telepathy that matters yet like an unarmed savior. A silent drop its source of ease. Through self-deprecation-languish it can now take more than triple-punch at a time. A dissonant conceit can’t make a single attempt at encroaching into its grey domain for now.

Through diffidence marked by an autism as a medium of equanimity it yet asks, ‘Is it fated to be so ever?’ Through monotonous continuum of fraying and choking breaths in this cyclic existence it yet longs for ‘Can I make it after all?’ Through such fall it yet wishes such not be of an endless gravity, summons for a timely savior to lay a landing to walk again…

Yet, a miracle for only a dream sweet. A mercy it can’t seek for now, the probation set by the faith at stake. All blurry murky yet a beacon there; phantasmagoric muted yet tethering. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A Personal Dilemma


A blow, a contingency yet untoward, sometimes lands with such pressure as the-triple-punch that pummels the scraggy breath like at a point blank distance. The foray, the havoc ravages the pre-restive entity to such frayed pathetic—I have now lost my parent like distant paternal uncle—if to be named here for a reason Geshe Tenzin Dookda La—who breathed his last on 13 March in the early chilly morning hours in Elista, the capital of The Republic of Kalmykia under Russian Federation. Yet, I have this pride for his worth-being there as the ‘mentor’ and Buddhist master since his leaving for there in 1995, when I was at the time being able to deal with my life so far. Yes, for his predestined needy presence there that did turn out to be far helpful and fruitful as per his conscience regarded the matter as of top priority for being there and helping in his best ways. So I feel this pride and I have been feeling so since learning about the same. So it can be proved by how the bright and loving Kalmykian people have taken his demise, post physical death musing till the clear light ༼ཐུགས་དམ་ལ་བཞུགས་པ།༽ and the ceremonial cremation plus mass prayers with such gravity as can be got at http://www.khurul.ru/?p=10049. So, for the same, I would like to extend my sincere gratitude and heartfelt thankfulness.

Yeah, the blow, on personal level, has come that I happened to write in my note as follows:

13 March
Almost past noon I had a call from Dhati Lobsang, a senior member of our Khangtsen, telling me about Gen Dookda La passing away in the early morning of the day. For his being like my parental guardian after my joining the monastic university back in 1985 it is a loss that leaves me far alone as to test why I was born for… As from his undergoing heart surgery years back and having strokes, the last one only a couple of months ago, as for his hard works there in Kalmyk, sort of unbridled burst of temper and the same laxity in dietary precaution for his case, the news isn’t a sort of unexpected one despite the recovery after the third fatal stroke that spared a lull only. But I find myself at my wit’s end. I can mouth prayers with a sense that draws me to tears, if I let it carry me away. I am going to do my best.
 *
Yeah, the blow is doubled with the current cases of how our beloved compatriots in Tibet suffer in the ‘undeclared martial law’ draconian but veiled and aloof (The whole world pretend not learning as such by casting the whole attention to Syria instead. Why? Because the ruthless tormentor is Red China, the emerging bully as many thoughtlessly succumb to her robot-minded regime’s precarious yet sound guise of promising shares in pillage-business earned by only military threats, brutal actions and deceptions. The farsighted and prudent global project known as Sustainable Development seems to be just sweet lip exercise when it falls on quick cheap gains by every heartless means in an annexed or neocolonized territory.) like a sniper takes his targets anonymously yet authoritatively. The lives cost by those self-immolators, the hanging trepidation that a fresh one—there was one only yesterday by a young monk in Ngaba and one even today in Rebkong—may come up and how many more would be tortured and incarcerated pain this desperate heart even more.

The third blow, restive it has been ever, now seems to be nothing in the face of them. But penitent I have been ever for being that foolish not being able to pursue my dream. A prospective life is like a distant dream. Yet, I won’t bow ever as not to let it remain in dream only. Then to fight them with a honed talent far well-greased and functioning: I happened to update my facebook status as:

'Nothing lasts forever' that speaks a true heart seeks amid the flurries of timeless alternate flights of convergence and divergence--what the living moment shapes what to ensue whether pleasurable or not. A folly, a simple idea, a futile attitude have the same latent potential to be capable of developing into a grand entity. That proves 'even to live is an adventure'. A forlorn one's claustrophobic cry can be heard one day; the same has the potential to strike the enlightening chord as to release the last shuddering and reverberating current that orientates it towards self-mirroring: seeing how foul one's impatience costs and thereby to develop the true sense of empathy, the true beacon to be summoned now and ever as to win in true sense. So, nothing lasts forever! Have a great life!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Gorkarn, Kudle and Om Beaches: Finding Time on the second day of Losar


February 23

How true it’s a nearby place of any significance is always neglected by like saying can be visited anytime later and kept deferring absent-mindedly… But to exert a practical notion into action, as I find this time, needs the same willing support and accompaniment to be able to pack up the tooth paste and hit for the excursion. Thanks for the Indian government rural transportation services cheap, learning and reliable and here Karnataka state government. Thanks also for Phuntsok Lambu’s opening up the idea almost a couple of weeks aback.
Our express bus parked by a stopover en route for Ankola

Three of us, with K. Namgyal nicknamed Jabra by Phuntsok, carry out as preplanned to catch the morning bus from Camp # 6 to Hubli at 6.45am. We can do it despite Jabra arriving at the rendezvous bit later, by Kalasang Lhakhang (the village shrine in the narrow compound) which stands over the road like monopolizing the part of virgin field estate or occupying the raised spot like being the head of the village standing precisely off by the T-shaped intersection, like watching over the sleepy hermit with the overlapping mud-tiles roofs. I don’t have the least idea now when seeing him arriving at the spot with an expression of concealed guilt that he’s going to let Phuntsok burst into his incorrigible lasting laughter at the beach, when Phuntsok can’t hold the camera and take the shots of his postures, especially the way he flexes his undeveloped muscles over his short but broad nice structure with an air of innocence or pride and with those mimicking postures of a builder at his show time. So both of us find it really funny. But I can take the shots by taking the camera from Phuntsok, who by then is almost impossible to raise up his plunging head down the sandy ground and laughs with a low deep like chuckling sound. Now he looks serene with a black bigger backpack.
Gorkarn beach

We have to alight at Kalgatti bus stand and have a time to have a brief breakfast at the narrow oblong restaurant in the compound before catching a better bus to Ankola. The bus stand here, not like ours at Mundgod, has seemingly recently got a facelift both the façade of the core building and within the compound. And from here, as having a front seat by the wide windshield, along the major smooth wide road and to enjoy the thick rain forests but now rather pale on either side of the road. A small idling group of small stunted monkeys can be seen by the road one after another. Being an express bus, it doesn’t stop like a local one at every minor stand or hand-waving sign. It guns forward confidently with the young sturdy driver. But he spares his considerate thought at a point by letting in a group of school students mostly girls in pale pinkish skirts and white half-sleeved shirts and dropping at Yellapur, a village town. A taller girl sits by me. I can have a swift angle view of her dark lanky hands with smooth furs resting on her lap. Bit later an opened book in English on her lap; at second try I find it an English grammar book: ‘Direct and Indirect Speech’ I can make out at one shot scanning over the pages. But I find her not actively going over them but keeping it open as to gratify her wish or to flaunt what she is.

It’s 3 hrs drive between Kalgatti and Ankola in the express bus, distance at almost 250 kms, bus fare Rs.80.00 per head. Fortunately, we can immediately catch a local bus to Gorkarn after alighting from the express bus. Just off the station along the road the rancid fish-like odor and thickets of coconut groves with lush green fronds are the herald to the nearing coastal point. Nearing Gorkarn, the drive along the dark wide smoothly flowing creek off below the low ridges. The musty smell is stronger. The created creek must be for the approaching salt-fields maintained with those mud-barricaded pools so wide and spacious; those piles of whitish stuff must be crude salt.
Om beach

But, unfortunately, at the certain turn, when our bus is blaring languidly to take the turn by taking the circuitous left side, an auto-rickshaw darts suddenly forward by taking the wrong (right) side and hit the bus. Really just like an egg hitting a boulder. I hear it hits ours but ours, both heavy and moving slowly, not making a slight abnormal movement. But it halts right away. Then those curious passengers like displaying a commoner’s instinct get up and rush out to be the added onlookers around the ill-fated light three-wheeled vehicle turned upside down and its frontal part smashed wedged under the part of the bus bonnet that doesn’t seem to incur any damage conspicuously there. Phuntsok is actively engaged with the crowd outside but has less to tell us. He points us to the injured driver back to us being led by someone else; he is in a dark purple full-sleeved shirt and dark cotton trousers and walking achingly; he is of normal height and must be bearing a paunch from his being well-built.

The small cute Indian girl with dark lovely eyes at my back cranes her dainty head curiously ahead to learn about the mishap, but she can’t leave the place by following her young mom who is standing by the door and looking ahead through windshield. I ask her name in Hindi but she just stares on and remains silent. I don’t press on. Thanks, we’re, only a handful inside when I look around, moved on to the other stopped bus behind ours. It’s only 20 minutes drive in a local bus, fare at Rs.18.00 per head.

After having a brief refreshment at the rather shabby restaurant within the terminal compound we, as Phuntsok knows the place well so far from his earlier visit a couple of years aback, walk to the nearby Om Hotel with the attached Om Restaurant and Bar on the first floor with the open waist-high walls, those rolled up green painted stalk-veils. We settle on a three bedded one on the second floor for Rs.600.00 per day on 24 hrs check out basis. Or it can be for the time now with those a few foreign guests and Hindu festival for worshipping Shiva. We’re going to learn later Gorkarn, with those major Hindu temples, is a sort of Mecca.The room and the bathroom are okay for not that clean white bed sheets and pillow covers. The single corridor and narrow verandah with marble floorings and tiled walls seem to be the sign of luxuries vindicating what is written on the painted metal sign-board standing on two vertical stands just by the hotel and at the turn off the hotel.

Kudle beach
We leave for the beach around 3.30pm. The sun is still high. Coming on to the main broad way, the main street, after the narrow packed littered road it’s to face the main things of the worshipping festivities ahead rather than giving eyes to those gaudy cheap wares on either side. The two stationed wooden chariots with the round holy fretworks grimy with a dark sticky lacquer may be of offering oils are far ahead like in the middle of the broad road and by the entrance way, from where winding along by a number of temples till coming on to the causeway over the gulley with dark rancid water stagnant and sandy floor of the beach. For the festival the above openings of the winding ways are covered with colorful awnings that make the walking pleasing and cool. Of the two fully decorated chariots the one is smaller. Both are adorned with plywood framed holy images of Hindu gods up around the dark oil soaked fretworks and above them the inflated red-white wide patterned striped cloth-domes so high and the spires topped with pieces of triangle red cloth (ceremonial flags) coming up from the top miniscule cloth-domes. Approaching close, I find the structures seemingly so heavy from the hard wooden fretworks rested on the strong closely set rafters and the large wheels. Those Indian devotees touching their hands on the oil darkened greasy fretworks and doing their worship. I spot three or more Western Hindu devotees standing at a turn in their ceremonial saffron garbs, may be monks. But I can’t look at their hair and find time to study if their foreheads bear the ritual pastel signs.

We enjoy our time till the late evening. Those makeshift shanty stores and eateries just adding to further litters, or can be for the festivities now. The large tent-hall with the raised dais for presenting classical dances or plays relating to Hindu holy myths. There are many foreigners engrossed in their beach rites and those with children as well. Yeah, this time I have a concrete impression of why people like holidaying at beach. Apart from other merits whatsoever it can be that the vastness of the ocean view has its mesmerizing effect on driving away all those flurries of discriminating thoughts and letting rest on its grandeur alone at ease—so we find relaxed, calm and concentrated on it alone. Or, in other words, it just stupefies the way one yields to off it. It is, however, relaxing and pleasant.

February 24

With the tired but trained limbs for yesterday’s long swimming, playing and jogging at the beach we begin to walk to Kudle beach beyond the rocky ridge. After taking the flight of steps up to the top it’s to walk on the parched rocky but with dried grass, those fragments of charred stones with tiny holes tell what the ridges are formed of like lava-hills. From the point, where there is a building with bright hoardings of yoga-posture and massage alongside the crude road running by it, it’s to walk down to the beach. Those parked vehicles in the crude lot next to the building. Some young Indian tourists, more girls in jeans, are coming up from the beach; their Indian English accents and merry faces.

We have a brief refreshment at the deserted café raised up from ground level. Those printed police-notices are rife and seems to be threatening like a junkie can’t bear being here or there after spotting them. Yes, I have heard about the isolated beaches here as hubs for junkies. This crescent narrow beach is rather suffocating after the long Gorkarn, but it’s cleaner for being more remote. The gentle tide of low waves breaking along the crescent line; I find here rather at ill-ease for finding it like a narrow creek. The view of low ridges and the planted forest. I don’t have a mind to dip, wait for them on the beach and read on Anna Karenina on my Kindle instead. There are foreigners here, those lounging in the thatched cafes, basking and reading…

Then around 1.00pm or being here for not more than hour, as Phuntsok and Jabra hold the same notion as walking to a secluded beach and not having a bath is a pity, we again set off for Om beach, the last one beyond the same looking rocky ridge along the same parched terrain. But the somber view of the overrunning dark water below, as can be come to a glimpse now and then while walking along the slopes, is both exciting and petrifying. Here at the vantage the construction of a sort of pavilions and small garden with concrete pavements on the slopes are in progress. We lounge for a while in the round-roofed pavilion with varnished wooden-paneled ceiling and round columns, on the red painted concrete seats. An Indian boy holding a steel plate in his hand is walking to the temporary shack of corrugated irons next by the almost finished small compact house with ridge-roof of corrugated irons. I raise my right hand to greet him; he does the same aback and gesticulates with his hands asking me to come for something to eat. I thank him for his good Indian way despite his being a labor here at the site.

The reason for naming it Om can be made out from its partial formation of the Hindu mantra Om letter: dual curves and the mid rocky patches spare so. Casting afar at the similar blurring lines along the bases of green-layered ridges, I wonder how many more beaches can be there.

The café next by the step on the sandy floor of the beach is the only well-equipped one here. We have a good lunch here before going out to explore the curves. I spot three Asians, a guy and two ladies, dining on a raised part. The guy has that countenance towards me when one is in such companions, but I can retreat by not looking at them as not to trouble him further. A so chubby white guy in his late fifties or sixties walks in the café naked for his dark underpants revealing his bulging red patches; he looks like a giant here. It bears a holidaying vibe of gaiety so far.

Jabra in his outfit like a Vietnamese, as he has such bearing in that loose T-shirt, knee-level ripped old jeans and the white round-brimmed cloth hat like worn by a cricket umpire, especially for his short broad physical features. He is again anxious here to go out sooner. But Phuntsok looks more relaxed in his synthetic NBA shorts and red T-shirt that accentuate his lanky furry legs and towering height. For Jabra’s appearing like stubble by Phuntsok he is ready to ask Phuntsok to be at the lower level when posing for a shot with him.

We have a nice time till the late afternoon. Yeah, the water is cleaner here. We bath and lounge and meet Thomas, a Science teacher of Science Meets Dharma from Swiss, basking on the hot sand. He, seemingly in his late thirties or early forties, seems adaptable and congenial from his long association with us teaching Science at the monastic schools at Mundgod. He says his term of teaching assignment at Mundgod is over and he is going back to obtain further visa to return back to Gyumed tantric university at Hungsur, a Tibetan settlement in South, to carry on his teaching Science. He expresses his wish to get enrolled at Snow Land School, recently inaugurated by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and learn Tibetan Buddhism besides his teaching, as the school is solely aimed for Westerners willing to explore or learn about Tibetan Buddhism. Even if he offers us free ride in his hired taxi up to Goa airport, as Jabra has a relation there and has a sort of capricious mind, leaving tonight at 10.00pm, we have to thank him after some discussion that we can’t take it for fearing to trouble his relation at such hour late past midnight like around 3.00am, when we will be there. So we bid him farewell before departing from the beach.

As to venture on a petty luxury or fun-cruise we decide to pay Rs.450.00 for a boat ride back to Gorkarn; thanks Phuntsok pays for it. Those dark frowning precipices of the rocky walls can be studied well in this bouncing bobbing simple boat with the sputtering machine propeller at the stern, the single steering handle with accelerator like of a bike. It’s almost only 15 minutes ride passing by the two protruding edges of the rocky ridges into the water, which form the furrows of the two crescent beaches. For me, Gorkarn beach is long and freeing, letting gain the real air of what a beach should present for having the relaxing quality. So I have a bath here again, the last one as we’re leaving the next day.

Before returning back to our hotel we, as Phuntsok’s wish, have a long walk along the hardened sandy bed till the point, from where we find a crude shortcut path to our hotel. Only a nimble gait can carry on to the full length of this long beach, but our limbs are tired. It’s pleasing to walk bare footed along the path coated with smooth red dusts winding by the households of overlapping mud tiles roofs and with such rich vegetable plots. Those foreigners staying at such nooks and crannies; a group of them are active in the spacious yard putting up a tent or preparing around the seemingly smooth-polished dust patch capacious enough for some Yoga practitioners. Yes, I find one practicing himself alone in the open pavilion at the beach. Hinduism Yoga is as famous as Tibetan Buddhism these days, my impression.

February 25

We pack up our compact belongings and get ready to check out to catch the bus to Ankola, the end of an excursion with the aim of learning some about our neighboring parts.